I can’t be upset you need time away from me. I understand. It hurt my feelings though that I was aware that you were purposefully not making time for me. But you told me that. And that’s okay. Friends don’t need to see each other every day, but I don’t think ignoring me for a week was appropriate either. The days here are kinda long. But go by fast. But while its day, I don’t really understand things and I’m confused and I’m sad and I don’t want to be confused and I don’t want to be sad.
I don’t want to be told to talk to someone. I want to be alone. Leave me alone.
I’m being whiney. Stop being whiney. This sounds more angry than I am. I guess I have mixed feelings. I always have mixed feelings.
I’m afraid to be left.
Please, don’t leave me.
my life should come with a disclaimer of sorts.
you make me feel very dumb and naive.
I am a shitty friend to the people that are good to me and a good friend to the people that are shitty to me.
I feel like a little girl with a silly crush when ur around and I just want u to like kiss my forehead or something lame
Being around you makes me happy. Cute, short, happy interactions. Always a little awkward, though. I like that. I think we are both sad and a little confused and I want to be around you more. I hope you make an effort to keep me in your life; I am too shy to.
I realized I am queen of exaggeration. If someone doesnt text me for a day that doesn’t mean we’re not friends, or that they hate me or whatever. Things are normal. And I am dumb. And I’m glad I have people in my life that will tell me when I am being dumb. Thank you.
Having different people around me is refreshing. Having alone time is too. I’m trying to have alone time that I value and don’t feel sad during. I’m working on it.
I’m still working on me. I guess thats obvious because I’m still doing this. I’m glad I was pushed into this. I hope whoever I become is someone I will like, someone open to trying new things.
I’m trying to channel my energies into better things.
But I still woke up at 5 AM to feel anxious and not knowing what to do.
You promised me you would be there for me and then just left
I guess I don’t know why I’m still writing. I guess I’m telling myself its going to help. Does it? Has it been? I started on Friday, and already have missed days. That’s okay though. I keep telling myself that things are going to be okay. I think they are though, they must be. Everything works out. I was called toxic, but I don’t think it’s me that toxic; I kinda think its you. But two against one, and I knew I was being shitty. I expected too much I think. I always do. But I can’t keep lowering my expectations. Every time I build them up for someone, and begin to trust them, they remind me why I don’t do that. And just stop, I’m so over this.
I want to go to bed. I want to fall under my covers and be alone and never see anyone again. But I want to so be with so many different people right now. I just. I want things to be different. And only I can make them different.
I can’t place blame. That’s lame, it’s childish. But in this moment I can only do so much, and the rest is going to come together. The other things will work themselves out. This is a shitty way to live; assuming everything will be okay. Maybe I’m naive, and 20 and a dumb college student, but it’s how I think. And that’s cool. It’s cool.